DETOX DIVA DAY 4: PIZZAFACE

My lunch at se | sa | me consisted of green tea and 5 pieces of unsalted edamame.

My colleagues' stash of junk food.

My colleague, Cat. Annoying.

Obscenely sausage-y pizza at Lore's birthday do in T:ME Bar

My friend, Justin. Annoying.

Gorgeously fleshy portrait by Herman Wong in T:ME Bar

...and a gloriously abused, fleshy face - also by Herman Wong, natch.

 

Everything looks like food. My notebook, my computer, my friends' faces...

Every breathe I take, I seem to catch a whiff of sweet and sour pork or sliced beef with fried noodles. I am going nuts.

I take my usual scoop of deep cleanse powder and two discs of "brownies" for breakfast, I swallow a natural accelerator, and I declare myself ready for work.

"How are you doing today?" Detox Diva Deborah Dewey chirpily enquires. She calls every day to check up on me. My own cheerleader!

"I'm doing OK," I share. "I'm a bit dizzy... But I've already lost an inch around my belly... I think."

I'm careful not to be too happy, immediately. Or else the universe might smite me with the fat stick and I'll wake up the next day, three inches wider down the middle. Shudder.

I grab lunch at se | sa | me with the the lovely Elle Bradstock (who claims to be hungover from the previous night's Great Grape Debate) and the absolutely dishy Roger de Leon (who claims to have been too lazy to go to the gym, despite his bulging biceps). Both look sensational.

I tuck into my lunch: a few pieces of unsalted edamame and a pot of green tea.

Meanwhile, graceful waiters glide through the restaurant floor with pots and plates of beautiful "Japanasian" food. Fish and meats. Sauces. Carbs.

Serves me right for having abused my body before. Now, it needs to repair.

Extra-large boxes of pizza arrive in the office at 4pm. My colleagues, Cat and Maine, gleefully tuck in. I die on the inside as I watch their teeth sink into the cheesy, powdery crust.

After the pizza practically disappeared, Cat opens a bag of Snyder's of Hanover Honey Mustard & Onion Pieces.My favourite!!!

"Stay. Away. From. My. Food.," Cat warns.

I whimper away in embarrassment. I'm sorry.

I head to T:IME Bar after work to join Lore's Mango Martini Party. I stay away from alcohol with - I'm suprised - enough determination. Vodka sodas, spritzers, shooters fly through the bar. What else?

MORE FUCKING PIZZA.

The entire bar counter is covered with obscenely greasy boxes. I stealthily grab some rocket off of the top of a pizza slice. I promptly feel guilty.     

On the wall, even Herman Wong's portraits look to me like beautiful, oven-fresh pizza.

I'm hungry, dammit!

But once again, I survive the night.

At 9:20pm, I head for home.

  

// WILLPOWER. //  

DOWNTOWN DETOX