TOYS

 

What else can you do about sex when, like me, you're alone-but-not-single?

"I like having sex with someone I love," Ron, one of my former theatre mentors once said. "Me."

Indeed, masturbation is a good substitute for sex. Sometimes it can even be better than the real thing because only you know best how to push your own buttons! But throughout the six years we've been together, Chris and I have had an awesome sex life. I'd usually demand (sometime twice, thrice a day...) and he'd usually give in. Payback is when he wants it (very early) in the morning and I'm still half-asleep. I'd then tell myself that it's show time and I gotta perform. Great fun, daily. We got to know each other's nooks and crannies really well.

So these days, I am a bit unsettled 'coz... what am I to do about physical intimacy, now?!

I decided to sort some toys out a few days ago. I went to Showtime because (a) it's close by; (b) it's private and it feels nice, not skanky; and (c) I knew the owner, Stephanie. I was certain Steph would hook me up like a pro - that is, without any sort of teasing that'd embarrass me.

She led me through some prostate massagers and butt plugs and balls and the 'Monkey Spanker' and other contraptions / gadgets / implements that would look right at home in a Chemistry lab (I think). Steph explained toy - lubricant compatibility, how to care for your toys, how to gently 'introduce' new things into the self-pleasure experience, etc. At the end of it all, I felt like I've been properly inducted. A world of difference than if I were simply let loose on my own to 'discover' what might be interesting - only to decide after half a bottle of silicone lube that the Jeff Stryker dildo is never gonna fit. For that, I'll need a new asshole. But by then, it'll have been too late.

"Show me what you got," my friend Peter asked.

"No," I  replied. "I'm not showing you things that go into my body."

"Well, you always share your food photos!"

"...you do have a point there..."

But I'm still not sharing!