VERDASCO: DEFEATED BUT (CLEARLY) NOT DEFLATED

WAIT - WHICH TENNIS BALL AM I MEANT TO HIT?

It's not called the Spanish Armada for nothing. But amongst the deadly destroyers on Spain's ultra-competitive tennis arsenal, Fernando Verdasco has been left behind.

There are eight Spaniards on the ATP Rankings' Top 50. Rafael Nadal (4) and David Ferrer (5) were fixtures at this year's French Open. Nicolas Almagro (16) is the prized fighter everyone expects to burst into the top 10 any time soon. Tommy Robredo (30) remains a quiet force. Feliciano Lopez (39) relentlessly proves he's not just a pretty face. Marcel Granollers (41) has the added edge of being a doubles threat, too, with a career-high ranking of world number 4. Albert Montanes (48) is a pit bull, having been away from the Top 100 for only 20 weeks since he entered it in 2001. And Daniel Gimeno-Traver (50) is the armada's silent assassin, having previously prevailed over Novak Djokovic and Jo-Wilfried Tsonga.

Meanwhile, Verdasco has had a disappointing season so far. He reached the third round of the 2013 Australian Open and of the Masters 1000 in Madrid. Other than that, he did not make it beyond the second round of any tournament in the first five months. He lost in the 2nd round of the 2013 French Open, to Janko Tipsarević, in five sets. Verdasco (56) has the distinction of ranking below Pablo Andujar (52).

Just below Verdasco are Albert Ramos (61), Roberto Bautista Agut (62), and the very menacing Guillermo Garcia-Lopez (79) - all of whom could overtake Verdasco at any time.

It's a tough hand to have, especially for someone who was once ranked world no. 7 in 2009. Verdasco is only 29 - older than Rafa but younger than Ferrer. He should still be playing some really mean tennis today instead of just being a footnote on Spain's Davis Cup titles in 2008, 2009 and 2011.

Oh, well. At least Verdasco can claim to be the only Spanish tennis player to have been picked for a Calvin Klein underwear campaign. Perhaps he might then consider taking tips from Feli on how to both be pretty and powerful on the court?

Excuse me - speaking on destroyers:

JUST POSE, NANDO,
YOU'VE FOUND YOUR CALLING!

RAFAEL NADAL WINS RECORD 8TH FRENCH OPEN TITLE

LOOK, MA! TENNIS BALLS!
THANKS FOR INDULGING US, RAFA.

PH // GETTY IMAGES

The 2013 French Open finale was an anticlimax, really, after the 5-set semifinal nail biter in which Rafael Nadal had disposed of Novak Djokovic. Rafa against David Ferrer was predictably lopsided. Rafa is just the King of Clay. If there's one thing he knows, it's how to take the title on the surface he loves. Meanwhile, it was only Ferrer's first time at Grand Slam finale. Rafa's win makes it a record eighth at Roland Garros. Hurray, world order is as it should be, our beliefs hold strong, we're all satisfied, life goes on as usual.

One thing that kept me excited throughout the tournament, though, was the possibility that another superstar would emerge from the shadows of Roger Federer, Rafa, Nole and Andy Murray. I was rooting for either Gilles Simon or Jo Wilfried-Tsonga - both of whom would have at least enjoyed home court advantage over the formidable Rafa. But alas, it was fellow Spaniard Ferrer who made it all the way through. Though both are from the tennis system that makes clay specialists like McDonald's makes Big Macs, Ferrer hasn't been able to challenge Rafa's dominance on this surface. Or on any other surface, really! Prior to the start of the French Open, Rafa has defeated Ferrer thrice this season.

The older Ferrer (31) can at least take comfort in the fact that he still has thicker, healthier, better hair than Rafa (27). I was super shocked to see on the Saturday edition of the South China Morning Post that Rafa's once-lustrous locks are about to disappear. He may be unstoppable on clay but he can't stop male pattern baldness. No records required; that's just the way the hairline retreats.

Rafa, beat it before it beats you! Just chop it all off right now and own up to your new image as a DILF! You'll be in good company. Look at dear, old Tommy Haas (35), who scored a straight-sets victory against Nole three months ago in Miami and reached Roland Garros' quarterfinals this year!

PH // SOUTH CHINA MORNING POST

TODAY, WE'RE CRAVING FRENCH.

WHAT ARE YOU BOYS LOOKING SO UNHAPPY ABOUT?
LET'S FIX THAT.

L-R: JO WILFRIED TSONGA . JULIEN BENNETEAU . MICHAEL LLODRA

// I'LL TAKE ALL THREE, 

WITH A SIDE OF MUSTARD PLEASE. //