Today I'm going on my first junk trip of the year, which is alarming. It means that homos are already itching to get kitted in teeny, tiny bathers - winter be damned. And I'm panicking because I'm PHAT. I wish I were indeed "Pretty, Hot And Tempting," but really I've just got "Plenty o' Hips And Thighs." Like KFC. Sigh.
Hong Kong junk trips are iconic. It's not as if you just get onto a boat, drink a few beers, laugh, get drunk, and return to Central - No. Hong Kong junk trips are boozy, cruisy pageants. The boat itself needs to be selected carefully. It is to be your stage. And then the "cast" needs to be created. It's akin to curating an exhibition at a Museum of Fine Art. What's the occasion? Who do you want to invite? Who gets along with whom? Who looks good? Who will cause just enough friction to keep everyone on their toes? Who can be trusted to take beautiful photos which will be shared far and wide on Facebook? Who will nurse the needy? Who will write a memorable post-mortem? And a partridge in a pear tree.
And after all of those things have been determined, the organizer needs to set the party theme, itinerary, food and beverage menu, music and entertainment, experience flow, guest safety, communiqué- payments, maps, contact details, allergy awareness, etc.
Each guest then needs to prepare himself and ensure that he has "show value" before he steps onto the boat. What is my character? How do I dress up for it? Who else has been invited? How do I relate to each one? And... is my nakedness ready for public consumption? Will there be Hallelujah's the moment I strip off all traces of decency, or will there be groans heard 'round the galley to "Put your clothes back on!" ?
Being rock-hard ain't easy after the quadruple holiday wallop of Christmas - New Year - Chinese New Year - Valentine's. Besides, it's friggin' winter. People are animals. We pack on pounds to fight the cold.
I first met Sarah Armstrong when I was putting Mr Gay Hong Kong together. Her office is airy, smells like a spa and is devoid of any intimidating portraits of what people are meant to look like when they're pefectly built. Sarah has a glass fruit bowl overflowing with lemons to send the message that a healthier lifestyle leads one to rediscover a zest for life.
We did not talk about my weight - at least, not directly. I never felt judged as a neurotic, the way I often judge myself. We talked about family and relationships and balance - the importance of good nutrition coupled with exercise, of not starving, of not falling into an imposed state of deprivation.
As we were about to wrap our first session up, I got up and saw something that looked like raw amber.
"What is this?" I asked Sarah, brushing my fingers across its waxy surface.
"That's what a kilogram of fat looks like," she smiled.
I signed myself up for the program.
I might be PHAT today, but dammit if I'm not fit by Floatilla.
With Affection,
James
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2 comments:
Looks like fun. I'm going to be in Hong Kong end of April, beginning of May 2012. How do I find out about a Junk Trip that might be on then?
Hi Keith, junk trips are usually privately organized. it's rare that you just get to jump on one if you haven't been invited by the organizer. grab a copy of Dim Sum Magazine from a gay club, bar, sauna, etc. Might give you some clues :)
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