Coming Out - Sort Of.

Hello, Friends!

Coming out to my friends was sort of a non-event. They sort of knew; I sort of knew that they knew. It was just some sort of formality, really - an announcement that I was ready to be sexually active. With boys. "Okay?" "Okay!"

Coming out to my family wasn't quite as straightforward. We're Roman Catholic of the Nueva Segovia variety - closed in by the Sierra Madre and the Cordillera mountain ranges on either side of a deep valley, tucked 12 hours away from Manila. My dad worked as an altar boy to put himself through school; my mum, although Chinese from Fujian, wholeheartedly embraced Filipino piety. The woman goes to church every day. There's conservative, and then there's us.

It's not that we weren't exposed to gays or lesbians. Surely, we were sort of aware that every family has a gay or lesbian member - that's what my dad always said, anyway. Except ours, of course - coz such aberration is the sort of thing that happens only to others, not to us.



So yeah, my mum cried buckets - wailed, actually - and my dad threw a hissy fit like only a straight man can after I admitted to being gay. What, was I meant to deny the truth when my parents confront me with it? Fuck, I was brought up properly; I was never an ungrateful, little chit. I'm not one to waste an opportunity when it presents itself to me. I said, "It's not a rumour. It's the truth."

I knew it must have sucked for my parents that their first-born son (among a brood of six!) is gay, but what was I gonna do? Lie through my nose? My nose is for doing other things - mainly, for breathing. But being the good people that they are, my parents didn't have much of a choice but to accept me.

It took all of one hour to convince my dad that it's fabulous to have ME as a son - gay or straight. Duh. Isn't that a no-brainer?

I'm relieved to be gay, honestly. I suspect I inherited my dad's libido. Had I been straight, I'd have maybe 3 kids or more by now. Yuck!


Chris and I at my sister's wedding in 2009. Doesn't Chris look absolutely scrumptious in his Barong Tagalog?


Ronnie & Teri today

I'm quite happy to let me younger sibs do the whole marriage thing, honestly. Takes so much pressure off of me. First to go was my sister, Teri, who married Ronnie Roh in 2009. I mean, she always loved kimchi; she studied Korean for her Masters. I always loved bulgogi, but I never thought I had a sliver of chance of snagging Rain. How was I to know my sister was gonna marry into the whole country, all together? Props. It was such a ballsy move, and I was happy to have had Chris with me at the family's first wedding.


Diva

Diva, oldest among my three sisters, is enjoying her life as a globetrotting shutterbug. Cozumel! Villefranche! Ephesus! When I see her Facebook albums, I weep. I mean, why don't I have the kind of "work" she does? She's the real glamour puss in the family, honestly.


Loren

My youngest sister, Loren, is actually called Loren Sophia. I am not kidding. Do my parents have a sense of humour or what? Loren used to teach very young children in the Assumption Convent in Antipolo. But a coupla weeks ago, she moved to Singapore to be a teacher to very young kids in some place called "Kallang Bahru" - and doesn't that sound so much more... Oh, I dunno! Fragrant? It sounds like it could be in Tuguegerao, honestly, instead of the Lion City - and I hope it provides my youngest sis some comfort whenever she's attacked by homesickness.

My little brother, Igi, is not so little any more. In fact, he might become a priest in a few year's time. He's just taking a gap after 4 years in the Rogationist Seminary. I am all for it, honestly; all the better for my sinful soul if someone prays for my deliverance from evil. Better my little brother than anyone else. Amen.

My youngest sib, Vincent, is fulfilling his childhood dream of treating animals. He is currently in vet med school. He gets to be called "doctor," which is cool. I mean, woulda been seriously dope if he could eventually be licensed to treat human beings, too, i.e. me. But I'm a dog, anyway, so what's there to moan about?

So, yeah... Seems like I wasn't the only one who "came out," after all. In their own ways, my sibs came out, too. Broke out. Broke free. Of Nueva Segovia. Of Cagayan Valley.

Once a year, the family gathers for a reunion. We catch up, we play Scrabble all night, we drink sweet sparkling wine from Marks & Spencer, we take tons of photos.

My family has learned to accept The Hyperactive Gay Boy™, and I've learned to appreciate that I'd truly be nothing without my family.

Isn't that sweet?

Family rocks!


With Affection,
James













Photos by Diva Gannaban
Antipolo, Rizal